Or, since many stars come in pairs that orbit each other, the perturbing force could be an unseen companion star that causes the planet to reel between two centers, like a child in shared custody.

Both these orbit styles, the star-huggers and the ellipses, are bad news for people in search of far-flung clots of life.

A close orbit keeps its planet uncomfortably hot. And a planet in an elliptical orbit alternately fries when it's near the star, and freezes when it's not. Worse, both types of orbit suggest these planets may have tossed smaller siblings out of the system.

"We think these planets formed farther out, then moved in, and wiped out Earth-like planets," Fischer says. "These may be failed solar systems."

So, planets, planets everywhere, and none yet that seems amenable to sprouting grass?

"Oh, there is certainly room for simple life to evolve in these systems," Fischer protests. "Everywhere scientists look for life on Earth, they find it. They find it in sulfur vents on the ocean floor, and deep in the ice in Antarctica."

Furthermore, even if the gassy giants are sterile, recall that they are not the only planets; they're just the only planets big enough to be caught so far. And only about 5 percent of stars seem to host these fratricidal bullies.

"Eighty or 90 percent of stars might have systems like ours. We can't rule that out," says Fischer. "And these large planets must be hard to put together. Earths must be easier to make. They're just little piles of rubble."

Yes, just little piles of rubble, for which we yearn terribly, and for which we troll the dark galaxy, casting ingenious nets.