As we watch Mike wade through bat poop or stick his arm up places limbs just don't belong, most of us can't help but think, "Ugh. I wonder what's the grossest thing he's ever done?"
And of course, there's the inevitable, "Huh. What wouldn't this guy do?"
Well, Mike has answers to those queries and more. Still curious? POST A MESSAGE for him in the discussion board.
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Q: Is there any place you wouldn't go?
A:Yes, there are a few places I would not go. But mentioning them here would only result in Discovery Channel asking me to go there.
They monitor my every move ...
Q: Oh dear God. I hope you send your laundry out. You do send your laundry out, right?
A: No, I
burn my clothes. Please.
Q: What's the general sentiment of dirty job workers you've met? Personally, the show has taught me when the chips are down, well, at least I can say my job isn't a sewer inspector or the Honey Truck operator!
A: It's surprising how many people come home from relatively "clean" jobs at the end of the day feeling bitter and miserable. Whereas the people I meet, by and large, seem really content with their lives, and happy with their dirty jobs.
FYI, the Honey Truck driver, a great guy named Les, used to be a psychiatrist. He quit his practice to clean septic tanks for a living.
Go figure.
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Q: Do you have any advice for aspiring dirty job doers currently in college? How did you get your foot in the door as far as the TV career goes?
A: Finish school. Get a really weird and dirty job. Then, call me, and I'll come out and do a segment on your filthy and unusual career. Viewers will find us funny, engaging and informative. Discovery will be duly impressed, and you should have your own show by the end of the year.I'm kidding, but not completely. You're better off making your own door than sticking you foot in someone else's.
Scratch that. That was a stupid thing to say. I'm not even sure what it means. I'm tempted to say "think outside the box," but that too is a dumb and meaningless expression. Look, to my knowledge, I have never given anyone any worthwhile advice, but the best advice I ever got from a television personality came from Henry Winkler. When asked how to become a working actor, his response was, "Read." When asked to elaborate, he said, "Read everything."
I don't mean to be glib, but the real truth is, everyone I know who has had any success in this crazy business likes to think they know precisely how and why they got to where they are. Then they like to talk about it. Kind of like I am right now.
Honestly, there is no straight line from college to hosting a TV show for Discovery Channel. If I told you the path I took, you simply wouldn't believe me. And since I didn't really wind up here on purpose, my "strategy" is too random to be of any use. In fact, sharing it now would be both dangerous and irresponsible. All I can tell you is, I took Fonzie's advice.
P.S. The second best advice I ever got came from Travis McGee — "Be wary of all earnestness."
P.P.S. Watch Dirty Jobs very closely. If you still want to be in television (and I seriously doubt you will), write again, and I'll tell you about head shots, demo tapes, agents, etc. God help you.
Q: I know you like books and in addition to all the narrating/voice-over work you have done, have you done any reading for "Books on Tape"?
I've done lots and lots of manuals and instructional stuff. Pretty dry. If I survive this gig, believe me, I'm all about books on tape.
A cool, comfortable, climate-controlled studio with hot coffee, far from sewers and toilets.
It's a dream I have.
Q: Have you ever thought about doing a show at a poultry processing factory? I think it would be interesting to see you take the show to one of these factories where they bring the chickens in live and go through the whole process. I've worked in several poultry processing factories. My favorite job was working at a factory where we made frozen chicken products: chicken patties, chicken nuggets and chicken strips.
A: Good idea. In fact, I just got back from an ostrich farm outside of Vegas, where I was nearly kicked and trampled to death. Never take anything for granted around an ostrich. They're very tasty, but downright deadly.
Problem is, the network gets a little squeamish when animals start dying on camera, even chickens. Although it's very real and very, very dirty, it's also very sensitive. Personally, I'd like to do an entire show on the inner workings of a slaughterhouse and meet the people who make the chicken nuggets (whatever they are.)
But don't hold your breath.
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Q: While watching the show, I had to wonder, how many times have you cursed through the filming? If it were me, they'd be doing a lot of censoring because I'd just lose it (the sewer inspection would've been the end of me — I hate bugs). Have you ever gone into a job and just thought "this is too much for me"?
A: I appreciate your question.
To be honest, I edit my !@%$#%@ vocabulary quite a bit. As you may know, the Discovery Channel frowns on bad language, unless of course, it's on
American #%!@%$ Chopper.
As you correctly surmise, that sewer was a !@%$#%@ tunnel of torture, and that %@!%#$ toilet was a porcelain @#%! bowl of pure pain. Left to my own devices, last night's show would have unleashed from me a torrent of obscenity unmatched on cable TV. Did I want to curse? You bet your &*%!
Anyway, to answer your question, filming those segments was very difficult for all concerned, and it was only through an act of conscious willpower and professional responsibility that I was able to hold my !@%$#%@ tongue.
Warmly,
Mike
Q: Any thoughts on going international? Foreign dirty jobs should be at least as amusing as American ones. Like featuring miners from the Ukraine — a really dirty job! Plus, there's the language barrier factor that is always good for a chuckle.
A: Are you trying to kill me?
Actually, the original thought for DJ was international. I mean, why visit a 100-year-old sewer in San Francisco when I could help clean a 900-year-old sewer in Paris? The short answer, of course, is money. But you never know —
DJ International does have a nice ring to it. We'll see. For now, there's enough dirt in the good old USA to keep me filthy.
Q: I think you have a background in singing too, right? Are you still involved with music in any way and what are some of your musical influences?
A: Who knew that dirt and culture were so closely linked? I've sung in maybe 15 different productions with The Baltimore Company, all standard repertoire. No major roles, just chorus work and some supporting stuff here and there. Last production was Tosca — 1989?
These days, I sing mainly at weddings and funerals. I still get together with some buddies who I used to preform with in an a cappella group, and enjoy singing four-part arrangements of old standards. This activity usually occurs on a boat, far out of earshot from innocent bystanders.
I don't know about influences, but I know what I like: Giacoma Puccini, Johnny Hartman, Norman Luboff, Anton Dvorak, The Mill Brothers, Leonard Bernstein, Frank Sinatra, The Beatles, Billie Holiday, Sly and The Family Stone, Pink Floyd, The Singers Unlimited, Jimi Hendrix and Hank Williams Jr.
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Q: What kind of books do you like to read?
A: To wit, I'm currently rereading the entire Travis McGee series by J.D. MacDonald. Best pulp fiction ever. Just finished
Straight Man by Richard Russo — excellent. When I'm finished those, I'll pick up John Irving's latest.
For nonfiction, I like a good biography. Most recently,
John Adams by McCullough;
In the Heart of the Sea, by Philbrick, the true story of the sinking of the whale ship,
Essex, which inspired Melville to write
Moby Dick; and
The Professor and the Madman, the true story of how the Oxford/English Dictionary got written and published.
Q: You post a lot on the fan-site message boards. How do we know it's really Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs? Most famous people are too busy to get back to fans, so what makes you different, Mike?
A: Good question. I can't actually prove that it really is Mike Rowe from
Dirty Jobs. Of course, you can't actually prove that it's not, so it's kind of a wash.
I won't comment on other "talent" on other shows, but my recent postings have been prolific for several reasons:
1. I finally got a laptop, and enjoy using it.
2. I'm not famous yet, and can't afford to be completely aloof. Yet.
3. The series has just started, and it seems prudent, as well as polite, to try and answer an honest question if someone is willing to take the time to ask it.
4. My life has no middle ground. I'm either completely surrounded with obligation and responsibility, or utterly alone, in a cheap hotel, covered with some unspeakable grime, like I am right now. At times like these, your questions are the only thing keeping me from a cold pizza and 60 minutes of SpecterVision.
Ahh, the glamour of it all ...
- Mike Rowe,
Dirty Jobs
(I swear!)
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Q: What about your poor camera crew? And how do they protect their equipment from the filth of it all? Some of those places you went were pretty nasty and every time I watch the show, I'm impressed with the camera work and feel bad for your film crew.
A: Our cameramen are awesome and committed to their work. If you want to admire or pity someone, Doug Glover and Troy Paff deserve more of both than me. I have suggested on numerous occasions that they trade in their full-size rigs for smaller handheld cameras. It would simplify their lives dramatically, but they refuse, citing quality issues. (Is that not hysterical? The sewer needs to look as good as possible!)
Anyway, the cameras do take a beating but they are replaceable, and it's not something I worry about.
Doug and Troy have the dirtiest jobs in television and deserve whatever sympathy and admiration you can muster. Seriously, they are as talented as they are filthy.
Q: Was it difficult to find a crew (lights, camera and sound staff) to go on these dirty jobs with you?
A: Yeah. Early on, we burned through a number of squeamish personnel. Then I got lucky. The current
Dirty Jobs field crew is top-notch — competent and fearless. Two cameramen, named Doug and Troy, go wherever I go, oftentimes in front of me. Rhea is a lovely, dirty girl who runs the audio. Adam is a large, former Marine who provides varied logistical and tactical support, and Dave is the field producer, a stern taskmaster and the only one among us who truly and genuinely enjoys the grime. All of them are talented, and in desperate need of a shower.
P.S. We can't afford actual lights.
Or makeup.
Or food.
Q: Who comes up with the show ideas? Do you or the show producers come up with the jobs you'll be doing?
A: Ideas come from many places, including a research staff in L.A., the entire crew and my own head. Most though, come from viewers who seem to take a perverse thrill in sending me to some godforsaken pit of despair. Everybody seems to know somebody that has a dirty job. Sooner or later, I hope to meet them all.
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Q: Are there any dirty jobs the producers want you to do that you have turned down? How much weight does your willingness to do a job really hold?
A: The producers of
Dirty Jobs hate to hear the word "no." I can say this with certainty, because I am one of them. Therefore, I say "yes" more often than not, even when I am quietly repelled by the task at hand. Truth is, finding interesting jobs that are unusual and dirty is not all that easy. The producers, researchers and network types all collaborate about the show in general.
I am assured that from time to time, my opinions are considered.
Q: How did you end up in nothing more than a pair of boxers while on the sidewalks of San Francisco in the sewer inspector episode?
A: Well, it happened like this:
I was in San Francisco with two sewer inspectors, standing in the middle of Ellis Street, preparing to descend into the bowels of hell. Before doing so, I was instructed to don the proper wardrobe and safety gear, which required me to essentially strip. For city workers, this transformation can often occur in broad daylight, sometimes in heavy traffic. I merely took my cue from the work crew, and suited up. In fact, the segment originally opened with me standing in traffic, wearing very little, and saying to the camera, "Sewer inspectors don't get a dressing room." That scene was later removed. The brief outtake you saw was a remnant.
Q: When you were down in the sewer pits you had your mask off. Isn't it dangerous to inhale the bacteria and fumes in those sewers?
A: I spaced. To be honest, the situation was so horrific down there, and the heat was so suffocating, the thought of putting something over my face didn't occur to me. If I had it to do over again, I'd don the mask.
Actually, I wouldn't do it over again.
Q: Those pigs sure make a huge mess! How did you like working with pigs as experienced in the Pig Farmer episode? I understand that if given enough room, hogs will choose not to excrete waste where they eat and sleep. Confinement challenges that. Semi-confined hogs and pasture-raised hogs will not be as dirty as confined hogs.
A: The smell was indescribable. And the myth that pigs are actually a "clean" animal is a myth.
You're right, though. I don't mean to suggest that the pigs are to blame for their appearance or bouquet. As one who has been smeared with poo from many species, they have my empathy in that regard.
Q: I saw the Teutuls on CNBC the week of the Pig Farmer episode. They had nothing but good things to say about you, Mike. Are you acquainted with them?
I've been doing the opening voice-over on
American Chopper from the beginning — those Teutuls had
better be nice ...
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Q: In the Pig Farmer episode, watching that boar swagger into the barn and mount the "dummy" sow — like it was the most natural thing in the world — opened up a whole world of questions for me. Just how does the farmer teach him to do that? Is that one particular boar the "go-to guy" so to speak, or are all boars trained to perform? Also, why does the farmer get involved? Seems to me that female was pretty enamored of the boar; why not let nature take its course?
A: Welcome to the mysteries of animal husbandry. I don't have all the answers, and frankly, I'm not sure I want to know how the boar is "taught" to mount the dummy. But I do know that when nature takes its course down on the farm, bad things can happen, and there isn't a great deal of romance in the barnyard.
Consider for a moment the equipment on a boar — 14 inches long, surprisingly slender and believe it or not, shaped exactly like a corkscrew. Now imagine for a moment, the complexities of successfully navigating this appendage in the heat of passion. The 800-pound boar is on top of the 800-pound sow. He is balanced precariously on two hind legs, both of which are slipping around madly in the mud. His front legs, with sharp, cloven hooves, are digging into the sow's skin, and drawing blood.
All of this before the boar even gains entry! When that happens, stand back. Sixteen-hundred pounds of pork locked in violent ecstasy can make one heck of a racket, and the sight of mud, blood, saliva, semen and manure flying through the air is hard to forget.
Pigs are this particular farmer's sole commodity and allowing them to copulate willy-nilly is just too risky-risky. Apparently, lending a "hand" is safer for all concerned.
Q: I caught the horse artificial insemination episode the other night and had to laugh — why was the stallion's "member" blurred out? Also, for being such a sterile process, is it really a "dirty job"?
A: The fully engorged member of a grown-up horse is a truly shocking sight, and seeing it up close can have a traumatic and varied effect on the unprepared. On the day in question, when the horse first entered the barn, one of my cameramen became so distraught he let a very expensive camera slip from his grasp and fall to the floor. The other developed a facial tick that still troubles him to this day. My director wept openly at the sight, while the audio engineer collapsed in the corner and slipped into a fugue state. As for me, I confess to going a bit wobbly in the knees and feeling disoriented. Clearly, for the sake of the viewing public, the blurring had to be done.
As for the sterility/dirty issue, trust me — the inside of a horse, blurry or not, is a fairly dirty place.
Q: What a fantastically foul show! I was baking a buttermilk chocolate cake just before the sewer episode came on; it went from appetizing to repulsive in a few brief minutes. I do appreciate how you treat poo shovelers with respect and get them to teach you what they're doing.
Anyway, my question is this: did you have to get every vaccination on the planet in order to come so close to poo and not risk getting sick? Or perhaps, I should ask, should you have gotten them?
A: Fantastically foul?! I am ferociously flattered.
I do apologize about the chocolate cake. There was a time when a chocolate/poo juxtaposition would have given me pause as well, but those days are behind me. Today, I'm sorry to say that I could happily consume a pound of fudge in a port-a-potty. In fact, I have.
As for respect, shovelers of poo and other dubious solids deserve more than most, and I really do admire them greatly. In terms of precautions, nothing out of the ordinary — tetanus, Hep-A, Hep-B, diphtheria, yellow fever, whooping cough, dengue fever, gamma globulin, typhus and something for meningitis.
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Q: Do you currently host any other TV shows?
A: Busted.
Oh well, it was bound to come out sooner or later. I host a show in Baltimore called
Your New Home. It's been on for 15 years, and for reasons I don't fully understand, it continues to hold an audience. Nothing much happens on
Your New Home. I sit in tastefully decorated models and ask leading questions to builders who are very good at making people want to move out of their current dump and buy one of their new houses. I wear the same khakis and the same blue shirt week after week, and never, ever get dirty. I also do another version of the same show in Virginia, because I'm greedy.
There are some other small transgressions that I will not admit to unless I'm ratted out. As for voice work, I've been narrating Discovery shows for a long time.
Dirty Jobs is the network's way of saying thanks.
Q: I think I saw you in a blue shirt and khaki pants in a pharmacy commercial. Was that really you?
A: Got me again.
Epic Pharmacies are all over the mid-Atlantic, and it's true that I have been doing their commercials for the last eight years. It's also true that I wear the same clothes in those commercials that I wear when shooting
Your New Home.
In fact, I believe that all actors/spokespeople/hosts should be forced to wear the same uniform whenever they are in front of a camera. Ideally, khakis and blue button-down oxfords. It makes things simpler for the viewer.
Q: I saw you host Egypt Week Live. It was awesome. Though I wonder, were you nervous about going into the tombs? I've read about the mold and stuff that can grow on the walls over time — were you at all nervous about that?
A: Yes, I was fairly concerned by my surroundings in Egypt. I was basically tomb raiding with a mad archaeologist as he crawled through ancient tunnels and pitch-black grave shafts on his belly. As for the mold, I was made aware of that particular hazard in advance, but with 50 tons of crumbling limestone overhead, mold isn't scary. The situation was unstable at best, but live TV has a way of distracting you from the terror you should actually be feeling.
So, yes, I was scared — I just didn't know it at the time.
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Q: How did you get involved with the show?
A: I was hosting
Evening Magazine in San Francisco, and pitched a segment called
Somebody's Gotta Do It. We started to profile unusual jobs in the Bay Area, and before long, I found myself extracting the semen from a prize bull and placing it (very gently) into the uterus of a cow. That segment got a lot of attention, and we discovered there were tons of other exciting and dirty jobs out there.
That's when we pitched the idea to Discovery Channel and thus launched the
Dirty Jobs series.
Q: What was the dirtiest job you've had to do?
A: There is no obvious answer, but bat biologist has got to be near the top. Bracken Cave is about an hour outside Austin, Texas, and home to 40 million Mexican free-tail bats. A bat biologist enters the cave once a month to check on the health of the colony. To do so, he must wade through 3 feet of guano (bat excrement) and make his way to the far end of the cave, where the bulk of the bats roost.
The temperature is over 100 degrees. The air is filled with ammonia, and quite toxic. The bats, 40 million of them, are hanging overhead, urinating constantly, defecating deliberately and giving birth randomly. All of the aforementioned substances are falling upon us. The guano that we're standing in is filled with billions of flesh-eating beetles, which survive on dead bats that periodically plummet from the ceiling.
Bracken Cave is like no other place on Earth, and quite possibly the dirtiest hole on the planet.
Q: Do you ever get scared doing a "dirty" job?
A: I have a healthy fear of most dangerous things, but when you work alongside people who don't, you either suck it up or look like a sissy.
A few months ago, I was in Tampa, neck-deep in a muddy, slime-filled, methane-rich water hazard searching for used golf balls. (Yeah, it's a job.) Though golf balls were my objective, I was focused mainly on avoiding the water moccasins and snapping turtles that seemed to infest this particular hazard. At some point, I stepped on something in the murky, muddy ooze that shot out from under my feet with alarming speed. It was an alligator, and I haven't been the same since.
Q: Is there a job you wouldn't do?
A: I would never direct. Some things are just too hideous.
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Q: Tell us about Dirty Jobs, the series.
A: Well, for starters, it's a show that actually lives up to its name. Seriously.
Dirty Jobs will make you want to take a shower.
Beyond that, we wanted to do a show that pays tribute to the men and women who earn a living doing things that you and I would
never want to do. Whether it's a sewer inspector or a roadkill-removal specialist, we wanted to honor real people by rolling up our sleeves, literally, taking an honest look into their world and ultimately magnifying the importance of what they do to earn a buck. Essentially, that's what the show does.
However, someone thought it would be a good idea to tell these stories through the eyes of an "apprentice." That person turned out to be me. Consequently,
Dirty Jobs doesn't really have a host — it has a curious guy that just happens to be wearing a microphone, and spends most of his time trying to keep up.
Q: Who comes up with the ideas for the shows?
A: I don't know, but if I find them, we're going to have a serious chat. Actually, ideas come in from all over the place — from the producers, from friends, from
message boards on Discovery.com. If there is a dirty job out there to do, we'll find it.
Q: What do you hope viewers take away from the show?
A: Aside from a renewed commitment to basic hygiene, I'd like them to leave feeling grateful, entertained and relieved. I guess I'd like for the viewer to feel a little guilty for leading such a clean, fortunate existence.
Also, there's a ton of good information in
Dirty Jobs, a lot of which can save your life. Pigeon poop, for example, carries over 60 deadly diseases. Avoid pigeon poop at all costs.
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Q: Where are you from?
A: I was born and raised in Baltimore, Md., a beautiful, dirty town.
Q: Where do you currently live?
A: I live in San Francisco — sunnier than Baltimore, but just as dirty.
Q: What did you study in school?
A: I graduated from Towson State University in Maryland. I studied history, English, communications, speech, music, drama and a bit of philosophy.
I'm an excellent
Trivial Pursuit partner, but qualified to do very little.
Q: How did you start out acting and on television?
A: I started as a stage actor, with no aspirations at all for television. I was doing a production of
Tosca with the Baltimore Opera, and walked across the street with a buddy for a quick beer during intermission. (It's fun to drink while singing Puccini.) There was a TV in the bar turned to QVC, and the host said they were hiring new talent. My friend bet me $100 I couldn't get a callback.
Two days later, I crashed an audition and got hired on the spot. I figured I'd work for a few months, pay a few bills and get back to serious acting later. I wound up staying there for three years, got fired and rehired several times and learned more than I ever wanted to know about Hummels and fake diamonds.
When they finally fired me for real in 1993, I embarked on a freelance career and vowed to never hold a real job again. So far, so good.
Q: What has been the most exciting experience you have had thus far working with Discovery Channel?
A: In December 2004, Discovery sent me to Alaska to work on a king-crab boat during the filming of
Deadliest Catch, a series based on the most dangerous job in the world. That was exciting.
When I returned, I was sent to Egypt, and a little slice of heaven called The Sands of the Dead, where I spent three weeks underground, opening tombs in the Valley of the Golden Mummies on Discovery's
Egypt Week Live! That was also exciting.
As a reward, I've been given
Dirty Jobs, and all the excitement I can stand.
Q: Do you have any hobbies/interests/activities that you pursue in your free time?
A: What free time?
