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QUESTION: I'm at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. You should probably call everyone you know and find a dirty job that you can do here. I have faith that you can do it. It is a pretty dirty place, after all. And then the next step — and the most important one — would be to find me (upon requesting my phone number, or address or basically anything you want from me ... at all.) Even though I am 19 and you are 40 something, I am very certain that we would be best friends forever. So, really, I look very forward to hearing from you.
-- Alison
ANSWER: A couple years ago, I came through Madison for a dirty job. I'll never forget it. Met a guy named Les, who drove a honey wagon and cleaned septic tanks. It was a tough day that left us all fairly haggard. After the shoot, I ran into the sister of a girl I knew from my CBS days in San Francisco. I was right down the street from the main campus and she and a bunch of her roommates were moving into the dorm. They had a ton of furniture, so the crew and I helped out. Afterwards, they invited us to hang out and have a beer. We did. Other students came by, and before long, there was a full-fledged party raging throughout the entire wing. I don't know where everyone came from or how the kegs materialized so quickly, but it was an impressive feat of speed and organization that rivaled Delta House. At one point, I looked around and realized I was twice as old as everyone else in the room. Worse yet, I smelled like sewage. Under other circumstances, the realization might have been sobering, but amazingly, no one seemed to care, and I was too far along to feel sorry for myself. So, I proceeded to pretend that I was twenty-two again.
Three days later, I was well enough to get on a plane and fly home.
I survived the septic tank, but the girls of Madison very nearly killed me. So thank you Alison, but no, I won't be calling.
-- Mike
