It's not easy letting go, even though it means more freedom for parents and their children. Or does it? How close are today's parents and their adult children? Take the quiz to see how today's parents and offspring are letting go.
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Question 2 of 21
About ________ of parents provide financial support to their adult children.
19 percent
39 percent
59 percent
...
A 2011 survey found that 59 percent of parents were providing financial support to their adult children or had provided support in the past, even though the children no longer were in school.
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Question 3 of 21
Studies have shown that kids who go off to college are emotionally ________ past students.
immature compared with
closer to their parents than
more distant from their parents than
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Today's college students are closer to their parents emotionally -- and their parents to them -- than in past years. Some colleges have had to devise ways to discourage parents from spending too much time on campus.
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Question 4 of 21
Do men experience empty nest syndrome?
yes
no
only if they were stay-at-home dads while the kids were at home
...
Men also are affected by the empty nest because most are involved in their children's lives today, whether it's care at home or activities such as sports.
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Question 5 of 21
What's a boomerang child?
a child who comes back home to live with parents after being on his or her own
a hyperactive college-aged child
an adult child who can't hold a job for more than 3 months
...
Boomerang children return home to live after graduating from college or being on their own for some length of time.
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Question 6 of 21
About _________ college graduates boomeranged in summer 2010.
35 percent
55 percent
85 percent
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The recession hit new graduates particularly hard in the past few years, causing many to have to live with mom and dad again until they could find jobs and afford to strike out on their own. The number of boomerang children has been increasing steadily since about 2006, up to about 85 percent, according to a poll from Twentysomething Inc.
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Question 7 of 21
Who are the baby gloomers?
researchers who make dire predictions about retirees
a rock band that appeals to teens and their boomer parents
baby boomers who must care for older kids and aging parents
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The baby gloomers are about ages 45 to 54, and are stuck in the unenviable position of working to pay their kids' tuitions and their own bills. Added to that, they're likely still "caring" for a teen or adult child, and at the same time helping to care for their aging parents. It's also sometimes called "the sandwich generation."
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Question 8 of 21
Can pets experience empty nest syndrome?
yes
no
only the first time your child leaves
...
Pets can have their own versions of empty nest syndrome, noticing a child's sudden departure, even at the end of every summer vacation. The pet might act out with typical separation anxiety behaviors, some of them destructive.
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Question 9 of 21
What's another expression for cutting the apron strings, or letting go?
cutting to the chase
jumping off the lap
cutting the umbilical cord
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Cutting the umbilical cord at birth represents the physical separation of mother and infant. The expression -- along with the shortened version of "cutting the cord" -- has been used to describe learning to fend for one's self.
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Question 10 of 21
The average college student trades messages with or speaks to his or her parents ________ times a week.
three
seven
13
...
Thanks to social media, Skype, cell phone calls and texting, the average student talks to his or her parent 13 times a week. Cornell lecturer Christine Schelhas-Miller tells parents and students they need to "cut the electronic umbilical cord."
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Question 11 of 21
What's the biggest reason most students drop out of college?
no support system
financial problems
poor fit with the school
...
Most students give up on college because they feel alone, homesick and confused, but there is no support system in place to help them through these feelings, and they have nowhere to turn -- but home.
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Question 12 of 21
What kinds of expenses do most parents have to help cover for their adult children?
spending money
insurance coverage
housing
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A 2011 survey by the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE) found that financial pressures are higher for this generation of young adults. About 50 percent of parents are helping their adult children with housing costs, followed by living expenses, transportation costs, insurance, spending money and medical bills.
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Question 13 of 21
How can adult children become more financially independent in a tough economy?
Wait for a higher paying job.
Get a credit card.
Get any job, but set goals and a timeline.
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It's easy to stay where you are, in the path of least resistance, free room and board and mom's home cooking. Many college grads also hesitate to take entry-level jobs they feel are beneath their educations, but it's best to take any job to get started and have some money instead of holding out for management. Still, set goals with timelines to work your way up professionally -- and into independent living.
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Question 14 of 21
When an adult child lives with his or her parents, how should they handle rules?
The same rules the child had as a teenager should apply.
Rules appropriate to the developmental age of the child and respectful of one another should be agreed upon.
There should be no rules for adult children -- they're adults, after all.
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Every relationship, even marriage, needs some sort of rules. Adults living at home must respect that parents still want to know their "child" is safe if he or she fails to come home at night, or is hours late after work. Age-appropriate rules based on common courtesy and respect should prevail and be agreed upon by both parties.
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Question 15 of 21
What is the top sacrifice parents with adult children at home have made?
delaying a big vacation or event
giving up their privacy
delaying retirement
...
Nearly one-third of parents in the NEFE survey said they had to give up their privacy since an adult child had moved back in. Debt also is a big problem; nearly one-fourth said they had taken on additional debt. About 13 percent had delayed life events such as vacations or buying new homes, and some also had delayed their retirements.
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Question 16 of 21
How do you know if you're a "helicopter parent"?
You call your college or adult child at least once a day.
Your child calls you at the first sign of trouble.
You do research or write papers for your child.
all of the above
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If you call daily, help with research problems or schoolwork or write papers for your child, you might be a helicopter parent. And if your child calls you at the first sign of trouble, it's because he or she knows you'll fix it. It's time to come in for a landing and let your child soar for a while.
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Question 17 of 21
What sorts of problems are helicopter parents causing on college campuses?
interfering in arguments between roommates
registering their children for classes
trying to get professors to change their children's grades
all of the above
...
Helicopter parents are hovering with more frequency and proximity on college campuses and causing all sorts of problems, including interfering in roommate disputes, grades set by professors and course registration.
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Question 18 of 21
Shouldn't parents hover more when a child with special needs moves out?
Yes, a young adult with special needs always requires special parental attention.
No, not when an adult child with special needs moves to structured independent living.
No, even if the child runs away, the parent should not interfere.
...
It's even tougher for most parents of young adult children with special needs to let go, but when their children move to independent living programs, frequent visits back home or frequent calls and visits by parents to the new apartment can interfere with adjustments to new arrangements. Sure, it's good to be an advocate, but do so by communicating well with staff.
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Question 19 of 21
What's one of the biggest reasons many baby boomer parents won't let go of their adult children?
fear of loneliness
control issues
concerns that their children's failures are their own
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Many parents identify too closely with their children's successes and failures and consider any failure on the part of their children a personal failure and reflection on the parent. By trying to protect their children from failure, parents have trouble letting go and handing over decision-making and consequences, which actually help their children learn to succeed.
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Question 20 of 21
Parents should be ________ their college children's lives.
ignorant of
consultants for
supervisors of
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Cornell lecturer Schelhas-Miller says that parents should switch from being supervisors of their children's lives to being consultants. It's time to let them take initiative, plan and set their own goals, even if they don't always get it "right." Parents can be there to listen, but not fix.
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Question 21 of 21
What's one of the best ways for empty nesters to get through the transition?
Take a trip.
Remodel the house.
Prepare their children for adulthood.
...
It's much easier for you and your child to let go if you send the child out into the cold, cruel world prepared. Be sure to talk budgeting and finances, how to sort, wash and dry laundry and other practical issues. Most of all, teach your child self-sufficiency before he or she piles clothes in the car to head out on his or her own.
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