Jasmine Kung's Diary

Sept. 4

What can I say... I'm finding my path and sharing the journey.

I'm packing and melting. Trying on cashmere sweaters in 80+ degree weather is not my idea of fun. When the Days are 104 degrees, it's difficult to imagine a world at -50.

There's a part of me that is a 1/2 traditionalist and 1/2 rebel. 1/2 Chinese 1/2 American (or, Asian Fusion). 1/2 spoiled, 1/2 un-indulgent.

Packing for this trip has been surprisingly difficult. I spent three hours at Barnes and Noble trying to pick out one book to be my only book for three months. I was torn between poetry, music lyrics, and quotes.

Jane Austen, meditation books… I finally the night before decided to go with the Buddhist book Kenny and Mai Ling gave me yesterday as a going away gift.

Going away... Can't tell if three months feels like an eternity or like a split second. I guess it's like a Band-Aid. It depends on how slowly you want to peel/rip it. Everyone keeps asking me if I have second thoughts or if I'm excited or nervous.

Baby, I'm way past second thoughts... I'm at 52nd or so. Right now I feel like I just agreed to go down and follow the white rabbit. I'm curious if I just signed up for something that will at moments be like an insane asylum with 19 hours of darkness. It's 1:41 a.m. and I know I should go to sleep. I have a confession. I know I'm getting sick. The recent lack of sleep and hot air plus tons of ale and lack of sleep is a recipe for disaster. I think it may even be too late for my ginger to prevent this one. I know I need to sleep.

Sept. 5

At yoga the other night I learned a new word. "Santasha"… is finding your edge to contentment.

Tonight as I am packing I'm not feeling that I'm feeling irritable. It seems everyone and their mother has an opinion of what I need to know or pack (Even if they only know a small glimpse as to my soon to be new world). I'm stressed and I'm not usually stressed. I think it may be from lack of sleep. Trying to wrap up your entire life on less than two weeks notice isn't easy. Maybe it's from all the blood tests. They didn't tell me that till a week ago. Everything has been on such short notice. Not easy for someone who is a planner. They still haven't given me the address to tell my friends and family or told me how I'm getting to the airport. I have to say that I am soo grateful that we have two Days in Anchorage before the start of this adventure. I'm hoping to recoup then.

You know I think I'm going to miss my little habits. Every night after a hot shower I put on perfume. I love falling asleep in a sea of perfume. I think it helps my dreams. But alas, I can't do that in Alaska. Something about making bears want to eat me. It's a bummer. I wish I could soak a handkerchief with perfume and in the moments I want to think of home, I can just smell my way back.

I think this trip is going to mess with my senses. In the 19+ hours of darkness they will take away my sight… in the -50 F temperature they will take away my sense of touch. With no seasoning will I lose my sense of taste? Not sure how they plan to steal my smell and hearing but I'm sure it's there somewhere.

On a more positive note, I think this departure from my senses will awaken a part so deep inside me... that had I waited a moment longer than this, may have been lost for all eternity.

I love my journal already. It's a sense of home. It took me two stores to find it. I originally wanted an unlined journal. But with the decorated pink, brown and white cover, it just called to me. When I look at the cover it makes me smile. And I have a feeling I am going to need all the smiles I can get out there.

Two hours, a glass of wine, and an episode of Top Chef have passed. I lay on my Tempur-Pedic bed when I realize I have packed zero pictures Ah. Well I'll just have them mail them. My family was (and some still are) against me going for a combination of reasons. Enough reasons to cause a war. I have a big family. A big Asian family. That means every one has an opinion, advice… drama, drama, drama. My grandmother isn't speaking to me which is odd since she was one of my inspirations for going on this venture.

My parents were against me going for a variety of reasons. I know I'm 26 and their opinion in the "American" ways shouldn't matter, but you have to realize I'm 1/2 Chinese, so in fact, their opinion really does.

My mom thought the cold would age my skin and I'll look 40 when I'm 30.

My grandmother thought and has continuously asked me if I want to marry one of the guys and is that my reason for going. (For the millionth time NO, NO, NO).

My dad gave me the silent treatment until he spoke with Brian, the executive producer, and suddenly it was HD this and what type of lens they were using. Brian could be anyone's dad. More so, he is just a person you want to call a friend and adopt-a-dad.

My brother fiercely guarded my parents and said no cameras at the house.

My cousins root for me...their parents against me. (Or they tell themselves; "Well at least it's not my daughter/son").

For two months straight I am told what a selfish daughter I am. Tonight my mom tells me, she hopes Oprah likes my show so we can go to Oprah. I tell her we will go regardless.

My second glass of wine sits beside me, teasing me. It knows it's almost my last glass before my trip. Almost. Tomorrow we celebrate at our usual Brentwood spot. I haven't drank much this last month or so. But yesterday as I as buying what I though was my last mineral water, a wine bottle with a smiley face beckoned me. I'm easily amused...and for $6.99 I can afford it.

There is so much I shall miss. But I don't think of it as missing. I think of it more as appreciation. It'll be special to have Thanksgiving out there. I love how I'm still calling Alaska "out there." Really the whole idea is still foreign to me. In a way it's like another planet. I suppose in this life time I won't get a chance to walk the moon or mars and here's my closest chance. Though I don't think the moon has moose and salmon.

I have to admit… I've never felt so unprepared in my life. I'll even confess I didn't even finish the book they recommended. Five books on Alaska sit to my right. I only had enough time for two. Well I hope (scratch hope)... I better have enough instinct. There is no room for hope. It's sink or swim baby. And I'm a swimmer. :)

It still seems odd to me how this trip all happened. It's not as if we were looking for this opportunity. It just fell in our lap, or email I should say. Kimmy emailed it on a whim. A whim she knew she wasn't going to apply. And somehow Tim and I decide with his friend Allen to apply. And the rest as they say is history.

Sept. 8

Well since I know you will see it in Allan’s journal I guess I should confess my going away party was as my girlfriend’s call and "oh what a night." OK, it's done. I admit it. And I should also admit I did show up at the airport in a sundress and bikini. I know it's unusual but I was already missing California and it had been so hot. It's crazy that my body, the human body, can go from 100 degrees to -50! Sorry to repeat it but that's just nuts.

Sept. 9

Alaska is no longer foreign to me. I am here. Everyone is so welcoming...but that could be because we are staying at a hotel. I have to thank the crew for allowing us two nights here in Anchorage. In fact I have so much to be thankful for. Now more than ever, I totally cherish this once in a lifetime opportunity.

I feel...well I'm not sure whether to feel spoiled by all the gear they have given us or worried that we would need so much. I think they gave me 10 pairs of gloves. Right now I feel spoiled. I'm already planning future trips. No California Santa would have ever been this generous. Alaska Santa is!

We are eating like crazy. I think I have gained five pounds being here. We saw our last movie, 3:10 to Yuma and the "Wild "Wild West" setting couldn't have been more perfect as a background before walking into the abyss of Alaska. Alaskan Abyss.

Earlier Tim, Greg, and Allan needed to switch boots (or what I am calling our moon boots). These boots are no longer made and can only be found through thorough research. Anyways, it felt like a drug deal to meet the boots guy. H met us at McDonald’s and then we followed him to another location, a church. He told the boys the story of his friend who last year had a buffalo permit. (You can't just shoot buffalo; you have to get in this lottery to do so)

It took three bullets to kill the buffalo. As the blood was splattering as the buffalo fell, it froze in the air. Shortly thereafter the buffalo was frozen solid. They had to use a pitchfork and a lift to get it out. Crazy!

I need to be packing right now. There is so much gear. Part of me wants to sneak a few Snickers in, but somehow I want to suffer. I don't know what they are providing us with besides salt, pepper, beans and rice and I'm eager to find out. It's kind of been last call for our favorite foods. Tomorrow, maybe one more breakfast burrito and jelly beans.

We are getting to know this couple who is also on the interior. I hope that we will all have Thanksgiving together because they are great. I love meeting couples and finding out their idiosyncrasies. (I should admit now, that I have used spell check for too many years). Anyway, when we were at the movies we learned that Bernice loves popcorn and I mean LOVES popcorn. Bernice had her own tub of popcorn and Greg had a small bag. I thought it was the cutest thing ever.

Did I also mention that Rich met someone with no hands, just two wrists. This guy tried to climb Denali and got frostbite and now has no hands. The gear means hopefully no frostbite. Hopefully.

Sept. 10

It's an amazing experience to see how people channel their passion. I have always been passionate by nature, but I can't say that I have known how to direct it. Instead I just channeled to fun.

Internally I have a secret smile. I feel so lucky to have such quality people around me. Today was a travel day. Anchorage to Chitina. Gorgeous scenery. We even saw a young moose (when we slammed on our breaks to let him cross). After a few hours, we stopped for a bathroom break on the side of the road. While the boys did their business I just wanted to frolic. I was so excited by never ending woods and meadows. We came across end of season blackberries and ate them right of the bush. I saw red berries as well, but unfamiliar with them we decided not to take our chances.

We are in the small town of Chitina. 143 people. So far I have met 7 of them. Hotel Chitina is full of charm and hospitality. Only about 10+ rooms. The phone is in the lobby to be shared. Waiting in line for the phone we chat with crew and the chef or manager.

I am delighted to be here. I believe we are in one of the largest if not the largest national parks. There is a huge lake and oddly enough I saw a sea gull. The muscle boys and I take a walk with Kelsey and end up in a small cemetery. Kelsey tells us about his travels and offers to take us ice picking sometime. Not this trip, but some time in the future. He is 25 and well travelled. One of the greatest parts of the trip is meet new people, having real conversations, laughing uncontrollably, and hearing about others adventures and travels.

I also meet Anya. And what a small world. She went to my alma mater, La Jolla Country Day. Graduated '95. We don't know any of the same people, but for a school with a graduating class of 80 each year, what are the chances... In this life, chances in general are many.

There are no clocks in the rooms. I only hear the rain, the constant rain, and since my room is at the top of the stairs, I hear everyone. I check out the book selection, and all I find are Danielle Steel romance novels. At least 80 of them. Well at least mom could be happy here, I snicker to myself.

Brent (25, from North Carolina) arranged all our gear in and out of the cabin. I love my gear. He is detailed oriented. The boys call me dangerous because if anything is left out in the open with information, I will sneak a peak. It's hard not to be curious of where my future home may be and what will be in my future home. And it makes it hard to plan. And as a planner, it’s a new experience to put a survival situation in the hands of a stranger that I only know on a first name basis. However, in this case, they are definitely more prepared than I could have been on my own and I've learned so much about gear. No more Gucci sunglasses, I just want awesome gear.

Bernice and Greg Pierson. A mid 30's couple from Huntington Beach who will also be on the interior but at about 5,000 feet above sea level. They are our new best friends. Bernice is an avid adventure racer and has inspired me to do the same. She began when she was 29 and that gives me hope. I love hearing her stories about Patagonia and Greenland and the suffering. I think to be doing what we are doing you have to suffer a little bit. Misery loves company. I don't know if I want to be mountain biking and doing a 24 hour race and throwing up as I ride like her. But in a way it's sexy.

She tells us the story of in Patagonia, how her wet pants froze and how she cried hysterically when she had to crack them when she put them on. And how one of the guys told her he would have been bawling too… if he wasn't such a guy.

Greg is a sweetheart and very well tempered. He is an avid golfer and you can tell when he wants to do something He does it well. So far it's cooking, concrete and golf. He's also funny. Humor will be important on this trip.

Crap it's going to be cold. When the locals look at you like you are crazy, you begin to wonder what we signed up for. I thought we would have at least one month of sunshine. With the rain the way it it's already I know it's going to be BRUTAL. BRUTAL is just a word to me right now and I'm not looking forward to finding out the true meaning.

I remind myself to order Step into the Liquid for Rich. It's one of my favorite surf documentaries and I hope to dream about riding the perfect wave someDay.

Have I simply watched one too many IMAX films? In this moment I wish I had the funds to just travel. I have calculated out that I have been to 14% of the world. Still so much to see and do in this life and I have live 30% of mine if I am lucky to live to be my grandparents age. I love numbers.

2008 Goals:
- Run a 1/2 marathon
- Triathlon

2009 Goals:
- Marathon
- Mountain bike

2010 Goals:
- Adventure race

Two interesting topics came up tonight: addictions and suffering. I think human nature yearns for an addiction at some point. It can be channeled to a healthier one, but an addiction is an addiction. Physical struggle. VS Emotional Struggle. Greg has the same blood type as me. AB+. I'm supposed to eat game meat and fish and stay away from citrus. Blood type diet. Hard to imagine I've been eating too much chicken and beef and oranges.

Tonight’s last meal: Chef Sarah made a delicious salmon, soup, salad and carrots. I'm stuffed. The blueberry topped cheesecake sent us to heaven. I think I'm starting seven pounds heavier than where I started! Well I guess I'll make it up in wood chopping.

Last shower: surprisingly my hair is already two Days old but with no blow-dryer here, I might as well just shower. I'm going to miss hot showers.

For some reason I feel like I'm just writing filler.

Picked fresh raspberries today. I wish more fruit grew wild in CA.

I found out tonight that we will have toilet paper in the cabin. I have to say I'm disappointed. I know it sounds stupid, but I thought we were going to have to really, really rough it. I think they are letting Jasmine get away with too much.

I'm itching to get there already. It's been raining so it will be harder to get dry wood. A part of me embraces the fact that I'm being treated like the princess, but a part of me detests it. I think I like the option to be the princess, but I don't want to be considered one.

Will I be the third wheel? I sometimes worry Tim and Allan will simply connect better and I'll be left out. They do a great job including me, but I can't help but wonder. When this airs will they be the adored ones and I be considered the brat? Will PETA and my vegetarian friends be getting mad at me for killing a moose?

I wan to be clear that I enjoy cooking and that's why I'll be in the kitchen. I'm afraid people will accuse me of being a typical woman role.

Enough of that self conscious talk. I am who I am. I'm not here to run away. I will get my hands dirty. I will get bloody. As Pam would say, "Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that once made you smile."

Alaska and meeting the wonderful crew and group has made me smile.

I better damn well live up to the challenge.

Discovery executives come out tomorrow. I wonder why they picked me and the team. I wonder if they are as curious about me as I am them.